Labour has unveiled a crazy left wing manifesto. It was a clear declaration that the party wanted to create a workers’ state, where private property does not exist and everyone lives in identical homes, wearing identical clothes. Chairman Mao himself would be proud.

The manifesto contained lots of radical left ideas lifted straight from the Communist Manifesto, like re-nationalising the railways, abolishing university tuition fees, free child care for one year olds and a rent cap. These are the sort of dangerous, lefty policy programs you see in Communist dictatorships like North Korea. Sensible Labour leaders, like Harold Wilson, will be turning over in their graves.

How was this latter-day Das Kapital received? These policies were supported by extreme left, Trotskyist organisations like the Co-op Amongst the media, they found favour with well known Leninists, like Polly Toynbee, who’s been nothing but an uncritical supporter of Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership so far.

If we elect Labour on this platform, it could destroy the stability and prosperity we have enjoyed since the Tories came to power in 2010. Basic human rights, like paying all of your money for a draughty one-bed flat ten miles from central London and commuting for hours to work in a zero-hours contract, could be destroyed and replaced with oppressive domination of the Party, which will control us via world class healthcare and cheap, efficient public transport. Britain will become Venezuela. Only with worse whether.

It is imperative that we elect the Conservatives and Theresa May, who have sensible policies that everyone can agree on like bringing back fox hunting or taking away your home if you get dementia. This is definitely what the JAMs, swing voters and people who work in Tescos, who Theresa May has sworn to stand up for, need.

Theresa May is a politician for all Britain. Unlike Corbyn who only appeals to a few metropolitan liberals who spend all their time in radical bookshops, drinking pints of Sound Wave IPA, eating chicken katsu curry and talking about the next upcoming show at the White Cube Bermondsey.

May sums up the British nation and what we want in a leader. She is patriotic, sings the national anthem, is willing to put petty gripes with Europeans above the national interest, wants to start a war with Spain, wants to take away old people houses and loves to make small mammals murder other small mammals. This is definitely where the centrist, modern, aspirational voter is. This is why Bryon Burger has introduced a new fox meat burger and you can buy riding coats in Primark now.

Corbyn struggles to connect with the average voter, who really respects how May surrounds herself with Tory supporters and activists and pretends that’s the same as talking to the public. They like how she doesn’t take questions from journalists and even locks them in a room to stop them taking pictures of her walking. Refusing to talk to a press that generally fawns over you anyway is what I consider to be strong and stable leadership.

May stands firmly against far left ideas like feeding children, reducing child poverty, supporting carers, investing in the NHS so that it can make it through the winter without needing emergency care itself and providing nurses with the basic dignity of knowing that their rights will be respected post Brexit so that they can continue taking care of the sick and the old. These are the sorts of policies that can ruin this great country.

May has clever ideas for tackling the problems of the 21st century like bringing back grammar schools (we need to find those entrepreneurs from poorer backgrounds, the rest can be fast-tracked to their career to working in an Amazon distribution centre), crippling the economy by storming out of Europe in a huff (if that doesn’t encourage innovation nothing will) and being a beg-friend to Donald Trump (a man who definitely has our best interests at heart). She has the making of a great Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Or possibly the last Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, which is pretty much the same thing.

No sensible person could support Labour with insane, radical ideas like the ones Corbyn proposes. If Blair were alive today (he died of a heart attack two years ago when Corbyn became party leader, what you have seen on TV is a robot that they found in Peter Mandelson’s garage) he would support the Tories as he could not condone a Labour government that had so completely abandoned the centre ground that it wanted to tackle child poverty and secure funding for the NHS.

It is essential that we all vote Tory on June the 8th to stop this Marxist-anarchist-Leninist madness. Britain could easily become a Communist dystopia like France, the Netherlands or Germany. It is essential that the belligerent, posh and slightly xenophobic centre right stops these dangerous radicals with their vision of a fairer and kinder society.

Theresa May picture created by Jim Mattis and used under creative commons.