Last week Boris Johnson was in Northern Ireland, attempting to renegotiate his own protocol that has given his party so much of a headache that you do have to wonder what he was thinking when he signed it. That’s a joke. He never thinks. 

Johnson agreed to this protocol way back in 2019 (remember then? Oh, how innocent we all were). The thing about this protocol, and the larger Brexit agreement it’s a part of, is that there are no new options that have appeared between 2019 and now - and there never will be.

The Three Brexit problems

The three issues Johnson faces now are the same as the three he faced back then. One: the Tories want to set their own (read lower) standards than the EU so they can’t have a customs Union with the EU. This means we need checks on goods moving between the UK and the EU. This creates a problem for the UK’s only land border with the EU in Northern Ireland.

This brings us to two: as Northern Ireland has been a site of conflict within living memory, and the border is largely arbitrary - cutting through communities and in some places people’s homes - the idea of making this a big deal border with loads of checkpoints and guards is a really bad idea. An even worse idea than Brexit.

This leads us to problem three, the one that Johnson chose to ignore and has been a pain in his ass ever since: an open border between the UK and the EU in Northern Ireland means there must be checks on goods moving between Northern Ireland and the mainland if the UK wants to set its own standards on what’s allowed.

Northern Ireland drama

By ignoring problem three, Johnson created an Irish Sea border between one part of the UK and the rest, which has upset the DUP who are now refusing to join a new government in Northern Ireland until this barrier is gone. As far as they’re concerned, Northern Ireland is as much a part of the UK as Somerset, and it shouldn’t have a border or different trade agreements.

Last week was also the next (and final) chapter of a different Northern Ireland drama, but this one was a much funnier one: the Channel 4 sitcom Derry Girls. The final episode dealt with the referendum on The Good Friday agreement and the protagonist’s 18th birthday. The two tie together into a message about stepping forward into the future.

One character, Granda Joe (Ian McElhinney), whose life would have covered the entirety of The Troubles, gives a passionate monologue about how the violence and fear of The Troubles could become a thing of the past, with his infant granddaughter perched on his knee for a neat visual metaphor. The episode ends with the characters voting for The Good Friday agreement before heading home. The final shot shows Granda Joe leading the polling station holding the hand of his granddaughter who can grow up in a world without fear of bombs and soldiers on the street.

Lack of thought

The finale is a touching reminder that peace has to be strived for and compromises need to be made, but if we’re willing to work hard and with a little faith in each other we can leave behind for our children and grandchildren a better, less violent, world than the one we inherited.

I don’t know if Johnson or anyone on his staff watched the finale of Derry Girls before going to Northern Ireland, but they should have. Pro-Brexit politicians have paid little heed to Northern Ireland as they pushed for the most severe exit from the EU they could get. During the campaign, between trading blows on the economy and hollering about immigration, Northern Ireland was hardly mentioned.

Whilst Theresa May’s government was melting down over Brexit we didn’t pay enough attention to how the Brexit the Tories were pushing for would undermine The Good Friday agreement. When Johnson was barking about getting Brexit done, did we think what the implications for peace were?

Northern Ireland is far away

Brexiteers have pretended Northern Ireland doesn’t exist for too long because it makes their ideal, low-regulation Brexit more difficult. To be honest, most Remainers only care about Northern Ireland when they can use it as a stick to beat Brexiteers with.

Brexit is pushing Northern Ireland closer to joining the Republic of Ireland, which I assume the Tories don’t want. They are the Conservative and Unionist party after all, and the ‘Unionist’ part was about Ireland before it was about Scotland. I’m sure they don’t want to see a United Ireland. So why does everything they do make it more likely?

Well, they care about other things more. Managing rebellious backbenchers or getting more trade freedom out of Brexit is much more important to the Tories than whatever happens in Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland is far away, and unhappy backbenchers crowing about trade policy are in Westminster. Besides, the Tory Party doesn’t even field candidates in Northern Ireland.

Sleep running into danger

We’re sleep-running into political upheaval in Northern Ireland and maybe even a return of violence to the region, which was a common occurrence as recently as Live Forever by Oasis being in the charts. Not exactly ancient history.

The pressure on Northern Ireland will only get worse until this government makes Northern Ireland a priority, or we get one that does. We cannot keep ignoring the effects of Brexit on Northern Ireland and hoping that another round of Tory led negotiations will solve them. It won’t.

EU flag image created by Yanni Koutsomitis and used under creative commons.